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It was my first day of school and I had no friends at all. The bell rang for recess. Everybody ran out the door to get their food. I opened my bag. Sitting on the bottom of it was a bottle of canteen milk from last year. I could not believe the smell. I was so embarrassed! Everybody laughed. What should I do? It smelt like a dead animal being eaten by rats and mice and other rodents or bugs.

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Comments on: "Jacinta- 100 word challenge- I could not believe the smell" (4)

  1. Oh dear, it doesn’t sound like you have got off to a very good start at your new school. I like the way you have used a simile at the end to describe the smell.

  2. Mrs Mitchell 100wc said:

    Jacinta
    Excellent work, very imaginative use of the prompt, you made good use of punctuations to emphasise your story. well done

  3. Theresa 100WC said:

    Hey, Jacita!
    What an outstanding use of imagery at the end! I also appreciate that your narrative is relevant to all of us; we all have had those times of loneliness and embarrassment at school. Keep up the great writing! I can tell you are an observant person who puts those skills to good use in their writing.
    Ms. Rainey 100 WC California, USA

  4. Irene McGinty (Team100WC Watsonvile CA. U.S.A.) said:

    Hello, Jacinta!

    You developed such a close connection with your readers in such a few words. I felt so much empathy for your main character from the first sentence. You used the prompt in a unique way; building a narrative on feelings of isolation and showing us what that’s like in a concrete way with the carton of milk. I know how that milk smelled with your delightful, rancid simile at the end.

    Fine work!

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